Marriage is a costly commitment. It takes a lot of time, resources, and effort to keep it healthy and running. But we also know that it is an investment worth making and one of the most important that spouses should make.
In Luke 14:28, Jesus said, “For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?”
While the context of this scripture refers to committing to Christ, the principle applies as well in marriage. We are after all called to have marriages that mimic God’s relationship with the church.
One thing marriage will cost you is time, but time spent with our spouse is not just necessary. It can also be extremely fulfilling and rejuvenating if done the right way. Do you take enough time with your spouse?
Here are four signs that your spouse might need more of your time.
1. Your schedule is filled with work appointments alone
If you take a look at your calendar today, what would you see? If your schedules are filled with work appointments, then chances are you aren’t spending enough time with your spouse. Just as work has to be deliberately scheduled, so should other things such as activities that pertain to marriage building, including date nights and even family dates and vacations.
2. You don’t spend unimpeded blocks of time together
When spending time with your spouse, the temptation is always to multi-task. What’s the harm behind spending time with the wife or husband while working on some emails? Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.”
Do you spend unimpeded and undistracted blocks of time where you are each other’s only focus and commitment?
3. There is a lack of openness and vulnerability
Do you feel like you can be completely open with your spouse with frustrations at work, at home or even in your marriage? Healthy couples that spend enough (or more than enough) time with each other do not have problems being completely transparent about each other’s problems and areas of vulnerability.
4. You have no idea what’s happening in each other’s life
What’s going on with your spouse when you’re at work? How is your spouse’s time with God? Did you know he or she just lost a pair of socks? If you have no idea what’s happening in each other’s life, there’s a need for more deliberate communication. Communication is key to intimacy, and one good sign of that is awareness of each other’s needs, wins and even struggles.
5. No sex.
Put bluntly, a cessation of sexual intimacy is a pretty sure-fire sign your connection is suffering. It’s normal for things to slow down as your relationship matures, but it’s also important that you still feel and express your attraction to one another as often ass possible. Sometimes we just haven’t made the time, or can’t get relaxed enough–these are things you can fix, but proof that you need to spend more time with your spouse.