As a young girl growing up in Africa; Nigeria to be precise, it is a common thing to be asked this question. Some parents see it as a way of correcting their girls, while the neighbors and community use it to put some restrictions on the female gender. Even though must of the people that use this state might mean well, they are ignorantly putting limitation in the hearts and minds of these young girls growing up.
This statement really never had any effect on me because my parent knew better. My Dad always told me I could be anything I want to be in life as long as I set my heart to it. He made me understand that I was not inferior to any other human being and should act as such and know that I am the decider of my own destiny. Maybe my Dad was able to reason differently because of what he knew or because God blessed him with five beautiful girls.
I remember my Dad telling us that he was advised against sending my elder sisters to school because they were female Children. According to his advisers, they were women and will be married out after all. According them training a female child was a waste of resources. Give them out in marriage and train your son. But my Dad stood his ground and made it a vow to himself that none of his daughters will marry without having their first degree and he did it.
Because of the upbringing I had, what the society had to say didn’t really matter. When I am asked the above question, “Don’t you know you’re a woman”? It never got to me neither did I think twice about it. You might think oh this was in those days, it does not happen again now. I wish it was so, but how deceptive is that? Today this has gotten to another dimension; it does not stop in a particular location or does it happen only in third world countries, it is all over the place now. Just that it is presented in a different form.
After I finished medical school, preparing to go for my specialization I got the greatest shock of my life when someone I really believed in gave me the most unbelievable advice you can ever think of. It is one thing for the masses to speak out of ignorance, but when a well-educated person you believe should know better voices the highest form of ignorance then there is problem.
On this faithful day this person called me and told me not to go for my specialization. So I asked him why? He said, you have to go back home so you can get married. According to him, you already have so much going on for you at this early age, you are a senior pastor, Medical Doctor, public speaker, author, president of an organization and many other things you have going for you. If you go ahead to do your specialization, you will not get married because you will intimidate all the men around you. After listening to him quietly for some minutes that seemed like eternity,
I told him, I am very sorry sir, but I will rather follow my intuition in this case, thank you for your advice but that to me is not acceptable, I am sorry.
He got offended and said that I will regret it if I don’t held to his advice. So I asked him, if I decide to follow your advice and stop pursuing my dream to get a man so he is not intimidated by my achievements, what will then happen after I get married to such a person? Continue to shrink my personality and not pursuing all my dreams so he will not be intimidated my achievements? Oh no! That kind of a man is the very type of man I do not want to have anything to do with. You know why? I have not even started what God wants me to be on the earth. So if that man will be intimidated by me learning to walk, what will he do when I finally start walking? I am very sorry to let you know that this is the worst advice you can give to any young lady and please sir stop it. He cut the call on me, and that ended the conversation.
Dear ladies, any man that will be intimidated by your achievements in life is not qualified to be your husband. Don’t reduce who you are or abandon the purpose of God for your life just because you want to be married to a man full of low self-esteem. Great men always appreciate great ladies. Don’t settle for less. If you must marry, then marry a man that can push you to go for the stars when you want to settle for the moon.
By Dr. Bien Sufficient
Dr. Bien Sufficient is a Medical Doctor, Pastor, Writer and a Public Speaker.President @Kingdom Lifestyle Movement.
