On this faithful day, I received a call from a very promising and well-to-do young man. “He must be balanced educationally,” I thought. He was a new friend I had just made. I can’t recall how he got my contact, but anyway I am a very social being when I want to be. I like associating and exchanging ideas with people, especially when it comes to those who are focused or at least know where they are going. At first, he seemed to me to be a very knowledgeable person. He had good oratory power coupled with eloquence.
Over time, we had good discussions and on one of such days, he brought up a topic about the home, family, the husband and the wife. During the course of our discussion, he made a statement that really got my attention and I couldn’t let go. He was not the first person I ever heard that from, but coming from a promising, educated and well- to-do young man, I was shocked to my bone marrows. He said to me, “A woman has no vision but the vision of her husband.” After he made the statement, I was silent for about two minutes though it seemed like eternity. He went ahead to explain that if a wife had her own vision and such vision is different from her husband’s, then there will be di-vision. Which means two visions, and this will lead to division in the home. He went further to say that the only purpose a woman has is to be a help meet to her husband.
Well, I did not hesitate to challenge that ideology right away. Permit me to say that this school of thought that reduces women to this level is from the pit of hell. I asked him, “So, do you mean that the purpose for which God created a young lady dies or disappears the moment she gets married? If this ideology is what it is, please can you explain to me the purpose and vision for which God created so many women that never got married or will never get married? Do you mean to tell me that Mother Theresa never fulfilled purpose because she was not married? Do you also mean to tell me that Kathryn Kuhlman never fulfilled purpose because she never really married? How about the women who have lost their husbands? Do their visions stop or go along with their husbands to the grave?
To make matters worse, this young man was a pastor. As of the time I was having this conversation with him few years ago, I was single in my earlier twenties. I was already the senior pastor of a church I started and that had grown into three branches at the time. I was a medical student, had written my first book, written so many articles, poems, short stories, etc. I had also started an NGO, full of so much vision that marriage was not even a thought in my mind. I was traveling from one place to another for ministrations and teachings. I asked him, “So, do you mean to tell me that every vision I have is no vision and is not from God? I should fold my hands, sit down and wait till I get married before getting my God-given vision, which is to help my husband? Well, this is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my entire life. I am very sorry to say, but your thought pattern is barbaric. How could you even come up with such an ideology? How could you even say such from your mouth?”
By this time, I was so upset in my spirit because he said that is what he teaches the ladies in the church he pastors. He advised me that if I ever want to get married, I should slow down or I will drive men away. To which I replied that in the first place, I was not looking for a husband but rather the reverse was the case. Secondly, if I ever get married, I can never be married to a man who is intimidated by my personality, visions or goals or who is not ready or supportive of me pursuing my visions and goals. Thirdly, before anyone ever knew my sex, not to talk of conceiving the idea that I will be married someday, God already formed me in my mother’s womb for the accomplishment of His purpose here on earth. My first responsibility here on earth is to God and not to any human or husband.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not against the role of a woman as a help meet to her husband. However, I am totally against the ideology that a woman has no life but the life of her husband, which is what the pastor was saying invariably. These are the kind of teachings taught in our churches which have turned our ladies to lesser humans with no purpose in life. They are “husband hunting” from one place to the other with no clear sense of direction or vision for their lives. Their greatest desire or achievement is to get married to a rich man and become a housewife. What a shame?! Can you see how we have succeeded in debasing a whole personality to just a piece of property for housekeeping and baby production? Can we now see why our women are so ineffective in our societies, especially in Africa? This has to change and the time for that change is now.
Dear ladies, it is time for you to arise and fulfill the purpose for which you were created. You don’t need to be married to be great. You don’t need to be married to fulfill your purpose. You don’t need to be married to be established. Why are you sitting down, day-dreaming, waiting for a rich man to marry you? If you want riches, my dear get to work. God has given you the ability to create wealth. You don’t need to be married to be wealthy. Don’t let anything or anyone hold you down. If you are a wife, don’t get lost in that title. There is a purpose for which God created you. Discover it and fulfill it. Before you were ever married, you were first an individual with a purpose created by God for a mission on the earth.
Am I in any way saying women should disregard their responsibilities as wives or mothers? Not at all; but know that there is more to you as a woman. It is high time we stopped putting women down in the body of Christ. It is high time we empower young women to fulfill their purpose.
My dear ladies, if you do not find yourself as a single, marriage will not solve that for you. Maximize your single life now. Discover who you are. Discover your purpose and pursue it. “Your desire shall be upon your husband” was a curse that came with the fall of man. Christ came and died to restore us all from the curse of the law (women inclusive). Therefore, there is neither male no female in Christ Jesus! Always live in the consciousness of this truth, you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength!!!
Dr. Bien Sufficient is a Medical Doctor, Pastor, Writer and a Public Speaker.President @Kingdom Lifestyle Movement.