NO MIRACLE WILL PREPARE YOU FOR MARRIAGE
The recurring message in this week’s article is that process is, and will always be better than miraculous deeds. Because of how much our society has vaunted the efficacy of miracles, it is entirely possible that you do not know how much better process is. You may not be aware that processes can be used for way more than progressing in life, developing a nation and the few other areas we’ve touched on in this week’s article. In truth, processes can be applied to any— and everything, and there is nothing in this world that doesn’t have processes that make it work. In this article, I want to intimate you with the processes that make families work.
I want to show you that signs and wonders will not make your marriage work, miracles will not train your children for you, and no pastor can bless you with the happy family that you dream of. It is your responsibility to make all these happen. When you gain the right insight and understanding, you will see how not to repeat the mistake that has led millions from one prophet to the other, looking for how to patch their broken homes. Many have spent days fasting and praying that a miracle would somehow touch their spouses and transform their recalcitrant child into an obedient and responsible one.
On another note, it is quite saddening to see that some pastors have not embraced the right practices when it comes to counseling the young men and women in their churches about marriage. Rather, they organize miracle services after the marriage has already broken down. They ask their members to pray for divine intervention when things start to go awry when they could have forestalled the issues with some sound wisdom beforehand. These pastors prefer to organize miracle sessions to fix breaking homes rather than retreats that would let the young couples know the processes and principles they need to make their families work. It is even sadder that millions follow such misleading teachings. Why look for ways to fix something when you can make sure (from the start) that it never gets broken? Why put yourself in the position of running around looking for the miraculous intervention that will hold your family together when you can receive the wisdom to make it work hitch-free? Why expose yourself to a life of running from pillar to post just to have a stable and happy family. To pre-empt such a life of struggle and unhappiness for yourself, to avoid living a life dependent on miracles for a happy home, you need kingdom principles. You’re about to receive them.
“Marriage is not to be entered into in-advisably or lightly, but reverently, deliberately and in accordance with the purposes for which it was instituted by God… We see the beauty of the ceremony but miss the beauty and wonder of the covenant. We sometimes also miss the fact that we are embarking on one of the most difficult journeys of our lives…” — Kay Cole James (writer and former director, US Office of Personnel Management)
The quote above says that marriage may be one of the most challenging journeys in our lives if this is so, won’t it be wise to be fully prepared for it? Don’t let the beauty of the ceremony take your mind off the great commitment you’re making. You owe it to yourself to start this important journey with both eyes wide open. Adequate preparation cannot be over-emphasized when it comes to marriage. Yes, you have a miracle-working God, but, trust me, that has little or nothing to do with it.
Before you propose to that lady before you agree to marry that man, are you truly ready? Are you prepared to go into the sacred union that is marriage? Are you ready to join your life with that of another person for as long as you live? Can you handle the inherent responsibilities? These are the questions that every young man/woman looking to marry must answer. Many people believe they are ready for marriage when in truth, they’re not.
How can they be ready when they don’t even understand completely what lies ahead? As a matter of fact, many married couples did not fully grasp the magnitude of the responsibility ahead of them when they embarked upon the journey, and they paid for it with their marriage. Lucky as you are, you are now being presented with the opportunity to arm yourself sufficiently so that you don’t find yourself amongst the many married couples that have either lost their marriages or are in the search for the wondrous act of God that will save it.
Ignorant people will choose not to seek knowledge before marriage; they think they can get everything on the platter of miracles. There is nothing wrong with going to church, as a matter of fact, it is very important to pray for the ideal partner, but before that, it is more important that you truly know what you’re getting yourself into, the potential pitfalls, the mistakes people have made in the past and how to avoid them, etc. In this regard, the years before you marry are critical to your chances of having a happy home. Preparedness for marriage will go a long way in ensuring that 5 years after getting married, you won’t be going from church to church looking for the miracle that will help you keep your husband or your wife. Such promises of miraculously blissful marriages are activities of deception; please don’t fall for them. It is a proper understanding that will make your marriage truly blissful.
What does it mean to be prepared? As a man, it means that you fully understand the responsibility you’re about to bring on yourself. By asking a woman to marry you, you’re basically asking her to leave her family for you. You’re assuring her that you will take the place of her parents, her siblings, her family. So before you ask her to leave her family and go with you, you must come to terms with the enormity of the task you are about to take on. You are saying that you will provide for her and protect her more than her father does, you will love her more than her mother does, you will care for her more than her brothers and sisters do. You’re saying, “leave this house and come with me, I will make sure that there will never be a moment when you will miss what you’re leaving behind. I will give you a life better than the one you’re used to.”
If you can’t make these guarantees, then you’re not prepared for marriage, and you shouldn’t propose to that lady. If you cannot afford to give her the good things in life, then you shouldn’t marry her. It would be sheer wickedness to bring her into your home only to subject her to suffering.
As for the lady, being prepared means knowing without any doubt that you love the man you agreed to marry without reservations. Don’t settle for just any man; if you do, you will end up regretful.
After making sure that you are prepared for the challenges to come, the next step is to make sure that your partner is as ready, if not readier than you are. Miracles will not change your partner to the person he or she is supposed to be. Your partner is only marriageable if he or she has been committed to self-development in preparation for marriage long before both of you meet. No amount of prayer will get this done for you. Refuse to be deceived by those prophets that tell you that prayer will do everything. Prayer will never do what YOU should do. Your own role is to make sure the person you are getting married to is actually ready for marriage as much as you are.
Even if you’re prepared, if your partner is not, that is another recipe for disaster. Irrespective of age, you must never rush into marriage; don’t let people that aren’t in your life take charge of your life. Don’t be pressured into something you’ll come to regret. Never settle for someone; don’t marry in the hope that one day, your partner will be miraculously touched, and they will become compatible with you.
Permit me to let you in on another secret, things rarely ever get better after marriage; it scarcely matters how long you fast and pray for. Don’t marry anybody in the hope that marriage will make them better. Do not be deceived; marriage doesn’t automatically change people and bring out the best in them. As affirmed by the quote above, if you have doubts beforehand and you proceed with the marriage because you just can’t wait to get married, it’s very likely you’ll end up regretting it. If your intended future partner has a habit or two you know you can’t live with, try to reason with them and get them to change. If they don’t change, perhaps, the marriage wasn’t meant to be. If you go ahead and marry such a person, no miracle can help you transform them; God is not a magician.
Quite frankly, it is likelier that marriage will bring out the worst in them. If your partner lies to you before you marry him or her, chances are he’ll lie a hundredfold once you get married. If she is lazy, if she doesn’t look attractive now that she has a lot of time on her hands, trust me, it won’t be better when she is married with lots of responsibilities. Anything that your partner doesn’t agree to work on during courtship, they won’t work on it in marriage. Therefore, it is up to you to decide what you can live with and what you can’t. Just know this at the back of your mind as you make your decision, no miracle will come along to make everything better with time. If you can’t live with it, don’t get into it. Signs and wonders can’t make a lazy woman hardworking, and it surely can’t transform a philandering man into a faithful one.
To be continued Tomorrow, don’t miss it.
Excerpts from the Book “WHAT MIRACLES WILL NOT DO FOR YOU”. #DSABOOKS
This book can be found on dsabooksplanet.com and Amazon.com
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, CHURCH AND NATION
By Pastor Sunday Adelaja.
